Peniel or Penuel?

The story of Jacob's wrestle with God is one we all know. Jacob wrestles with God at the river Jabbok. He is so unrelenting in his wrestling with God that Scripture mentions the angel of the Lord deciding to touch his hip and put it out of joint, so that Jacob would let Him go. Jacob insists that he would not let Him go until He blesses him. And there, in that moment, Jacob's name is changed, and he becomes Israel. From a deceiver to a leader and father of a nation. He names this place Peniel, and it is later also known as Penuel. You can read the entire account in Genesis 32:22-32.

This is what the Lord has been speaking to me about. The hunger. The wrestle. Do I have it? Will I refuse to let Him go unless He blesses me? Am I willing to be uncomfortable in my pursuit of Him?

This is a personal word from the Lord that I feel I need to share because I believe it is not just for me. Since Sunday, God has been saying to me I am going to have to get used to being uncomfortable. In fact, these are the words that were impressed on my heart: "Yolandi, you need to be ready to live an uncomfortable life. It will not get better from here. It will become more uncomfortable. But I will be with you."

At first glance, this might seem harsh. It might also seem uncommon because we are never called to live comfortable lives. But our promise, our true comfort can be found only in His presence in the fact that He says He will be with us, even if it means leaving us with a limp and uncomfortable in the natural. It took me a while this week to get what the Lord is saying. I have never struggled with hip pain, and yet I write this with hip pain so severe, it feels like I wrestled with God. Though as I write, the pain starts to lift. This connection between the spiritual and natural is something I hope to write about in the coming weeks.

It's time to step into the ring.

I believe God is calling us to a deeper place of discomfort, that His presence may be the only comfort that we want to have. His presence above everything else. I believe we are in a time where God wants to be so close, He wants to be face to face with us as He was with Jacob, because he wants to make Israels out of us. He wants us to hunger for Him so desperately that He can change the nature of our hearts to align with who He calls us to be.

One significant thing that I realised when I studied these verses in Genesis 32 is that Jacob calls his meeting place with God Peniel (which means the face of God), yet when the place is mentioned again, it takes a different spelling. It is then called Penuel. The significance lies in how scholars interpret this small but beautiful detail. Peniel directly refers to Jacob's personal meeting with God that changed him forever, while Penuel also means the face of God is seen as more of a second-hand experience. A place where God was seen by others.

This is the challenge: will you step into this place and have a firsthand experience with God and hunger for Him, cling to Him, meet Him face to face and walk away with a limp from His touch and let Him change you and call this Peniel? Or will you only stand by and watch how God touches others, being content with being comfortable and recognise this place as a place where God was seen by others and not you personally, Penuel?

A father in the faith to me always says this: "Your answer will determine your involvement." This challenges me, but I seem to agree.

I pray that we will answer the call to step into the uncomfortable places with God, seeking His face and touch that we may know Him in the place of Peniel and not only Penuel.

Draw close, invite the uncomfortable life because His comfort is greater than anything else you will ever experience on earth.

Blessings